Photograph from author
I have yet to meet a fellow Courtauldian who has even heard of betches.com (formerly betcheslovethis.com), my go-to for the latest news, life advice and relatable think pieces. Or at least, I haven’t dared to bring it up for fear of judgement - recent articles at the time of writing include: ‘How To Fall Asleep With Your Makeup On’, ‘Should I Make a Move On My Married Coworker?’, ‘Zayn Malik And Gigi Hadid Are Dating’ and ‘How To Be Late Like A Betch’ (any BA2s will know I’m killing it with the last one...). It’s not exactly the Guardian.
Whatever. People are missing out on this groundbreaking journalism and The Betches’ 2013 classic ‘Nice is Just a Place in France - How To Win At Basically Everything’ was the best holiday book I’ve ever had. The book outlines the basic tenets of betch life, but don’t mistake this for self-help, The Betches make it clear - ‘this is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems’. Topics include: building your image or ‘how to appear unapproachable and hot’, ‘how to apply for a job like you give a shit’ and the important distinction between ‘bros’ and ‘pros’ (go for the latter). The Betches have every girl’s needs covered from ‘manipulating men’ - ‘It’s important to pretend to enjoy at least one outdoor activity... While disgusting, this will show your ability to “go with it”’ to using Facebook ‘to show everyone you’re better than them’ - ‘when it comes to Facebook, more is always less... the people who use it most are the biggest freaks on the planet, which we’re chill with, because it’s now easier to spot them and then ignore them in the real world’.
Betches may have originated as a small satirical blog but it’s become a bible. Let’s be real, this isn’t satire. It’s just true.